The Motion of Devotion

the music "business" ... you chose this <3

next show: Sept.29 at Cassette - Ridgewood, Queens

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I want to speak about devotion: its endless wavering, beautiful trajectory, in our lives as songwriters. It drives us mad - in our making of songs, our creative relationships, in the tedious work required by our “business.” One day, you realize that everything you love requires devotion. And without disciplined devotion, you/your work may easily drift and never amount to its full capacity.

It’s a practice. You choose it - like love. You choose it.

Some people equate it to responsibility. I think it’s deeper.

‘Responsibility’ sounds like a chore - like signing up for medicaid, or paying your parking ticket. It may be more accurate to call it: an inherent need that requires shaping. Like clay before it takes form, like your unedited stream of words, falling like soft rain. This rain can’t be predicted. You have an opportunity to catch the run off and make it last until the next or let it die in the pavement, knowing it’s a precious thing you missed. It will rain again. Nothing to worry over but definitely something to chase gently. It can be a heaven on earth, your work. A place of real being. But you have to pay attention to the drip.

Creative harnessing is only one part of devotion.

My focus has been on writing good songs, learning to engineer and mix them in order to sound more like myself. It’s a challenge that I love, that I find to be an easy commitment. But yeah, I’m lazy and scared of this business that some are built for. But I’m learning to find my way in it. If I believe wholly in the songs, my band, and myself don’t I owe the proper care it deserves?

There’s social media, visuals, radio, touring, press relationships, labels, scheduling, band leadership, creating connections and much more. For the over thinker, it’s a full time job. None of which is paid. In fact, we lose money on the shows we go to, the merch we invest in etc. After shows, I often pay my band members and make nothing myself.

And why do we choose this?

To be seen?

Heard?

the kind answer: It was born inside us, the need to connect with people. And the way I know how, is to sing questions inside me that often go unanswered. we have to keep asking with new words, new melodies, we have to keep trying.

In all of this - what I’m learning is: keep trying.

It’s hard to complain about our busted music business because it often requires an amount of privilege to take on. Many of us have a certain level of comfort that allows us to take a ‘risk’ in being artists. Like many, I come from a place far away, I had to harden to NY, learn from being taken advantage of, learn my type of destructiveness, learn how to make my money stretch, learn to lean on and find good friends. I’ve gone thru numerous jobs, searching for the one that gets me by just enough and gives me time for music. The freedom to choose this lifestyle, is a privilege. For I only have myself to look out for. Maybe this gives me some guilt. I have friends in Texas with a home full of children. Which I know, for some of them was their dream and they take care of it beautifully. I owe it to these people to take care of mine too. To take care of it, all the way.

I’ve secured PR, radio, booked my own shows, met wonderful people on tour in Kansas City, Austin, San Jose, Memphis, Upstate and more with amazing talent and we’ve connected on our great ‘need.’ We are the shy pushers of songs. No costumes. No frills. And yes we would like to make just enough money but only if the listener can afford it. DIY touring is special but I’m getting to a point where I need to reach higher.

So, I’m giving ‘the business’ a harder try. A different try. I’ll campaign, share more, talk to people after the show. Be more than I currently am. Rise. This part of devotion, I’ve slept on. And we have to help each other with it. A dear friend of mine made my latest music video for 150$ she produced and directed it. I love it. I don’t believe you have to spend a lot to make something genuine. Reach out to your talented friends and ask them for help in the parts of making, that you lack. Help them in return. No one is made with every strength.

Nicole Townsend and Sawyer Gaunt - shooting the vid.

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I had an encounter last night with a psychic. Her name is Claudia. This is my second encounter with this type in two months. How strange! I was chatting with a friend at a local bar. She walked up and grabbed me by the shoulders. She said I was covering myself in dark colors and I shouldn’t. She said, my soul is filled with light and I need to allow it to come out. She went on for a few minutes and kept apologizing for interrupting my friend and I, but she said she had to speak to me about this. I believe she was a little drunk but why shouldn’t I listen to this woman. It couldn’t hurt to look harder into what she says I’m covering. And I’m trying to be less skeptical.

The astrology girls might say, the universe is sending me a message thru these gifted strangers.

Love,

Raybody (KR)